A Tap on the Glass-Vol.19 - If you want to play the game, you have to swing.

I've got a problem. At least, I used to. Success freaked me out. I thought I wanted to be successful, but I really didn't.

Oh, I'd think a lot about wanting to make more out of my life, to do something that filled me with passion and excitement, but I never bit the bullet and did it. You know why? I was scared I'd fail.

Failure, to me, meant saying I was going to do something publicly, trying to do it, and then not being able to do what I wanted to do. I've always been like this, for as long as I can remember.

As a matter of fact, one of the earliest memories I have is of me playing baseball. I was probably seven years old, maybe even younger than that. I loved baseball then, and I was a pretty good runner. I played in the outfield. If you want to hide a seven year old, you send him to the outfield, so he can pick dandelions.

I was terrified of hitting, though. Not because I was scared of the ball; I just didn't want to hit the ball. I thought it would be the most embarrassing thing in the world to make an out in a critical situation. So, every time I went up to bat, I prayed for a walk. I honestly never swung once the entire season.
Naturally, I ended up striking out a lot. Same result as I would have gotten had I swung, without the opportunity to ever get a hit. That thought never crossed my mind, though.

Finally, the last game of the season, my dad (normally a man of few words and who rarely left his recliner at home) finally said something to me. He realized what was going on, I think, and explained to me that I never had a chance to get a hit if I never swung the bat. Hmmm.

So, the last at bat I got in that game, I swung. And you know what?

I struck out. Again.

But, after the game was over, my dad told me he was proud of me for trying. And the words started to sink in.

I realized I had to be willing to fail in order to succeed. To my young mind, this was a new thought; one I'd never really considered before.

Is this kind of situation playing out in your life?

Here I am now.

I'm much older, and still scared sometimes of putting myself out there. I think it's natural for pretty much everyone. We think that if we say the way we'd like things to be in our lives (whether it's professing love to someone, or admitting we're dissatisfied with our jobs, or wanting to go back to school when we're definitely past our college years), people will laugh at us. They'll beat us back into conformity with everyone else, and that won't feel good.

So, we don’t.

I once heard of an experiment that was done with a group of chimpanzees. These chimps were placed in an enclosure that had a pole in the center. On top of the pole was a platform that had a treat on it (bananas or something). Whenever one of the chimps would try to climb the pole to get at the treat, the researchers would hit the group of chimps on the ground with water from a hose. Eventually, if one would try to climb the pole, the others would grab it, to prevent the group from getting sprayed.

After a while, the researchers quit spraying the chimps. The chimps behavior, however, continued. They still kept anyone from climbing the pole. After a while, none of the chimps tried to climb the pole anymore.

Later, the researchers introduced a new chimp into the group, and removed one of the originals. The new chimp tried to climb the pole, and was instantly pulled back down by the group. After awhile, it quit trying to climb the pole, too.

New chimps were introduced one by one, and original chimps were removed. Eventually, all of the original chimps were gone. None of the chimps currently in the enclosure had ever been sprayed with water. Yet none of them ever tried to climb the pole, because each time they did, the group would pull them back down.

Think about that. None of the chimps even knew why they weren't supposed to climb the pole, yet they all enforced it just out of habit. Because that's the way it's always been.

People behave in the same way. If we try to do something extraordinary with our lives, and we tell people about it, we're worried we'll be ridiculed for it. Mocked and shamed into conformity. People tell us it can't be done, simply because they've never seen anyone do it before.

Well, I think it's time that it stopped. Thumb your nose at the rest of the chimps and climb the pole. Do what you want to do, and don't worry about what other people think.

These are the lessons that I've learned since that day I struck out in Little League and in several circumstances since:

1. Everyone's scared.
No one has it all together. If you talk to any successful person, you'll find out that, not only were they scared to begin doing something different, they still get scared every time. It gets incrementally easier, but the fear never goes away. Professional athletes still get nervous before the game. Musicians still have butterflies in their stomachs before concerts. Authors freak out the night before their books are released. What you're feeling is no different than anyone else.

2. No one's paying attention to you.
This is a corollary to lesson #1. People are so worried about how things are going for them they don't have time to be concerned about anyone else - especially you. Consequently, people spend time worrying about other people, who really have no time to worry about anyone else because they have problems of their own. See how silly this all is? Oh sure, there are some people who are paying attention to you. But, they're usually your spouse or family or really close friends. These are the kinds of people who are going to be supportive of you, anyway. That's a good kind of attention.

3. You have to know where you want to go.
What's the old saying? “If you don't know where you're going, any road will get you there”, I believe is how it goes. You need to figure out what your dreams are for yourself. Once you've figured out what you want to do, you can put a plan together to achieve it.

One of the things that always concerned me about goals was hearing all of these “self-help gurus” saying you have to set huge, aggressive, audacious goals for yourself. The implication was that if you don't dream big, you might as well not bother. That always put me off, because I've never wanted anything really big in my life. No huge mansions or Ferrari, no yacht in the Caribbean. I just wanted to be comfortable and free to explore my options.

I came to believe that everyone needs to start somewhere. If you have a lot of credit card debt that you want to get paid off, that's a fine dream. There's nothing wrong with your dream of a debt-free life. You don't have to want to build a multi-million dollar business in order to put the power of dreams to work for you. Just start dreaming, and however big or small they are is good enough for now.

4. Do what makes you happy, and don't worry about others.
With a nod to Bobby McFerrin, “don’t worry, be happy.” Obviously, you have to be smart about this. I'm not saying run out on responsibilities and obligations you have set for yourself. What I'm saying is that there are very few people in this world who's approval you should be after. Your spouse and kids, maybe your extended family if they're supportive; that's about it. If a person doesn't have a vested interest in your success, you can confidently disregard what they think about what you're choosing to do. The only way you can count your life as truly successful is if you're doing what you're meant to do, regardless of what society at large thinks of it.

It's taken me a long time to fully absorb the lesson my dad tried to pass on to me that day on the baseball diamond. I've finally started to put something out there to the world that's reflective of who I truly am, without shame or apology. And I'm finally happy with who I'm becoming. I'm pressing on to be a better person, and, even though it scares me every time I hit “publish”, I'm learning to enjoy the butterflies. Because I'm starting to be who I'm supposed to be…and that’s a good thing, no matter what it is.

Thanks for reading.

A Tap on the Glass - Vol. 17 - A Trying Week

The word “Try”…

A try is the major way of scoring points in rugby league and rugby union football. A try is scored by grounding the ball in the opposition's in-goal area (on or behind the goal line). Rugby union and league differ slightly in defining 'grounding the ball' and the 'in-goal' area (see next section).

The term try comes from try at goal, signifying that originally, grounding the ball only gave the opportunity to try to score with a kick at goal.

A try is analogous to a touchdown in American and Canadian football, with the major difference being that a try requires the ball be simultaneously touching the ground in the in-goal area and an attacking player who is in the field of play or in-goal. (Oddly enough, the official name of the extra point in American football according to NFL rules is the try.) In the laws of both forms of rugby, the term touchdown formally refers only to grounding the ball by the defensive team in their in-goal. Although occasionally people refer to a try as a 'touchdown', the correct usage for the action is 'grounding the ball'.

Interesting stuff… I never knew or considered the fact that the word could be used for something other than as a lame ass excuse for not getting something done. Imagine.

I had a conversation with a good friend recently and he always used to catch me when I would say the word “try”. He explained to me that the word “try” is a self defeating word and it sets yourself up for failure.

It took me a little bit of time to understand, but soon I found out that the word “try” has failure presupposed and written all over it.

In my mind, there are 2 different meanings to the word “try”.

1) There is a question one might ask such as “Have you ever tried snowboarding”, in which someone could say they haven’t and wanted to. Fair enough.

2) There is the example of saying to yourself ”I’m going to try to make $250,000 this year”.

Ok… let’s look at that.

In the first example, I have programmed myself to not say the word anyways, so I would just simply ask someone “Have you ever snowboarded”, because just like Yoda says “Do or Do Not, there is NO Try”

But in the second example, when you tell yourself you are going to “try” to do something and then you don’t do it, you get comfortable with the word and with the feeling attached to it. You basically are giving yourself a great excuse. If it doesn’t work out, at least you said you will “try”.  What more can you ask of me?

Lets’ be honest here. That’s bullshit, in its most fresh and fragrant form and before the eyebrows go up too far, I’ll be the first to admit that I’ve gone down that road many a time myself through the years.

How many times have you told your kids or your staff – “I know you can do this, just do the best you can.”  In other words, TRY.

If you say you are going to “try” to make a difference in the world, this is just giving yourself the excuse that you don’t have to do it, but you sounded pretty good saying it.

This word when used, can seriously hold you back at a subconscious level, and it’s something you shouldn’t accept in your life. Your words and self talk are very powerful, and if you want to see change, then change the way you talk to yourself.

Become aware of when you are saying the word and replace it with action words such as “do” and “will.”

“I will meet you for coffee”

“I will do that report for you”

“I will phone you next week”

“I am thinking” – it amuses me when people tell me they are “trying” to think. What does that even mean?

Most of us know those words from the sage Yoda in the "Star Wars" movies, but it’s a common corporate mentality that holds water in today’s competitive climate. Do a job right or don't do it--whether your job is picking up your desk or developing a proposal for an employer--it doesn't matter. What matters is that you're doing it. Trying it gives you an out, carte blanche to give up or quit. An easy “walk-away” excuse.

When I stopped trying to do things and just started doing them, much of the guilt that my Type A perfectionist personality imparted upon me vanished.

“Try” has become part of our vocabulary, but it limits our abilities to focus on a goal and commit completely to achieving something big.

As a way to illustrate this, let’s do a quick activity. If you are sitting down, stand up.

Are you standing? Now … try to sit back down.

No, don’t sit down, TRY to sit down.

How did that work? What do you notice? The bottom line: You can’t try to sit down – you either sit down or you don’t.

Is that same principle not also true of goals or something we set our minds to – that we either do them or we don’t? We either accomplish or don’t accomplish what we set out to do.

In a take-off from what Tom Hanks said in the movie League of Our Own, “there’s no trying in life.” (Well, he actually said, “there’s no crying in baseball,” but you get the point!)

The point is that you can’t try to achieve whatever you set out to achieve – ultimately, you either achieve it or you don’t.

Consider how often we either hear others say “try” or we say “try” ourselves. How much more powerful and accomplished might we be if we took that pesky three-letter word out of our vocabulary?

Here are some examples across a wide spectrum of areas:

Your kids: from “Yes, Mom, I’ll try to get my homework done before dinner,” … to … “Yes, Mom, I’ll get my homework done before dinner.”

In a meeting at your workplace: from “I’ll try to talk with them about the project,” … to … “I’ll talk with them about the project.”

With your wife/husband/significant other: from “Let’s try to spend more time together on the weekends,” … to … “Let’s spend more time together on the weekends.”

In your life: from “I’m trying to exercise three times a week,” … to … “I am exercising three times a week.”

Do you notice the difference in how the statements above sound when the word try is in them or not in them?

So, here is your challenge: For the next week, don’t just try to do whatever you are focused on – do it without the “try” in your sentence.

Catch others in the act too – have them try to sit down to illustrate your point. Let me know how it goes!

The least you can do is “try”… right? 

“The way to get started is to stop talking and start doing.”

Walt Disney (1901–1966)
American entrepreneur & entertainment icon

A Tap on the Glass - Vol. 16 - A Winning Attitude

How to Cultivate and Keep a Winner's Edge

It's a question as old as time itself:

Are winners born under a special star or do they create their own success?  I think it depends on a lot of different factors and although I'd love to be able to tell you here and now that I have the definitive scientific answer, I won't lie:

I really don't know for sure. But I can give you a definite qualified maybe.  I think.

But I'll be happy to bet on one sure thing: A person with a positive attitude will always win out over someone who dwells on the negative.

Volumes have been written about what separates super-achievers from the rest of us, but the experts seem to agree that highly successful people share at least one important characteristic:  an unsinkable attitude.

If attitude is the key to long-term, life-altering success, then we all have a super-achiever potential.  Unfortunately, many get in their own way along the journey and have their heads lowered so much they don’t see the potential in front of them.

Zig Ziglar always comes to mind with a statement he once made:  “It is your Attitude, not your Aptitude, that determines your Altitude.” GREAT words!

But before we can release that winner within, many of us have to change negative thought patterns that have been years in the making.   Not easy.  I know.

Where do you begin?

Well, you can start with the three "D"s - discipline, desire, and dedication - and then make five very important changes that will help you achieve those higher levels of success.

Discipline

Success takes more than just talent, according to top boxing coach Teddy Atlas. Atlas, who trained such stars as Mike Tyson and Michael Moorer, says he looks for more than strength, speed, or power. "The most important quality a fighter can have is discipline. Talent only makes for a good show on the heavy bag if the fighter doesn't have the discipline and the emotional control to execute it under pressure. Otherwise, the talent means nothing." You don't have to be brilliant, charismatic, or otherwise naturally gifted to do well - you just have to discipline yourself to keep developing the ability you have.

Desire

Desire can overcome almost any handicap. If you want something badly enough, chances are you'll find a way to get it. This is even the cornerstone or our presentations to students.  If they want it bad enough, they'll find a way to get it.  We just have to infuse them with that kind of motivation!

When asked what he looks for in a top gun, Lt. Col. Dennis Krembel of the U.S. Air Force says, "I'm looking for a person who wants to do the best he can with the talent he has. If he or she puts forth 100 percent effort, that's what I want. If I look at one person who's got the talent, and another who's got the desire, I'll take the person who's willing to go that extra measure." A burning desire to win helps ensure that you'll work harder to do more, sell more, and achieve more than the competition.

Dedication

Dedication helps you overcome rejection, pursue the elusive prospect, and make just a few more calls when the day ended an hour ago.

Dedication prompted Mary Matalin, television commentator and deputy campaign manager for George Bush in 1992, to fetch lunches, make copies, run errands, and do whatever else was necessary to make the campaign a success.

By dedicating herself to the success of the campaign, Matalin even turned menial tasks into small but important steps on the path to success.

To get a 100 percent return on your investment of  time and effort, dedicate 100 percent of yourself to your goal.

To help you develop the discipline, desire and dedication of a super-achiever, start by making these five positive changes:

1. Start every day on a positive note. Take 15 minutes to read or listen to a positive motivating message. Invest in some motivational books, tapes, or a daily calendar that features inspiring quotes or anecdotes.
2. Avoid negative news. Tabloid newspapers, magazines, and many television programs focus on bad news and sensational headlines. Be selective about the information you absorb every day.
3. Avoid gossip for 30 days. When people around you gossip or turn negative, change the subject or walk away. If you have nothing good to say, don't say anything.
4. Keep a positive events diary. What did you do well today? What did you accomplish? Write down any compliments or praise you received. Nothing is too small or trivial to include. Review your diary at the end of the week for a motivational boost.
5. Look for the good in everyone you meet. Try to compliment at least three people every day, and eliminate unconstructive criticism. Focusing on the good in others will help you find it in yourself as well.
   

If you want to succeed like a super-achiever, start thinking and acting like one.

Many super-achievers haven't always been positive thinkers, but they recognize the importance of attitude and make a conscious effort to take control of their thoughts and their future. To follow in their footsteps, set a goal and dedicate yourself to accomplishing it. You just might realize the super-achiever potential you didn't think you had.

Thanks for reading.

A Tap on the Glass - Vol. 15 - Practice Kaizen

A strong organization is in the best position to protect your career in today's economic marketplace.

If it’s financially successful, your paycheck is more secure. If it keeps getting better and better in the way it does business, your future usually gets brighter.

But the organization can’t improve unless it’s people do, whether it’s in operational savy, sales ability, computer expertise or placement effectiveness.

Continuous improvement - the Japanese call it “KAIZEN “ - offers some of the best insurance for both your career and the organization. KAIZEN (pronounced ky-zen) is the relentless quest for a better way, for higher quality craftsmanship.

Think of it as the daily pursuit of perfection.

KAIZEN keeps you reaching, stretching to outdo yesterday. The continuous improvements may come bit by bit. But, enough of these small, incremental gains will eventually add up to a significant, valuable competitive advantage. Also, if every employee constantly keeps an eye out for improvements, major innovations are likely to occur. Higher levels sometimes lose perception of what’s going on in the “trenches” because they aren’t in them every day. Good companies realize that and encourage feedback from staff. The spirit of KAIZEN can trigger dramatic breakthroughs, whether it be redesigning a simple form or developing new company protocols.

Without KAIZEN, you and your employer WILL both gradually lose ground.

Eventually, you’ll both be “out of business” because the competition NEVER, EVER stands still. EVER.

Tom Peters put it this way: “Good quality is a stupid idea. The only thing that counts is your quality getting better at a more rapid rate than your principal competitors.

It’s real simple. If we’re not getting more, better, faster than THEY are getting more, better, faster, than we’re getting less better and more worse.

NOBODY can afford to rest on a reputation today. Circumstances change too quickly today. Competition gets tougher and more global all the time.

What we consider “good” today is seen as “average” by tomorrow.

Every single employee should assume personal responsibility for upgrading job performance. Your productivity, response time, quality, cost control, and customer service should all show steady gains. And your skills should be in a state of constant renewal.

Granted, this drive toward an ever-improving performance doesn’t guarantee job security, raises or promotions. It’s just not feasible in today’s business climate.

You still can be a victim of circumstances, even in strong, financially successful organizations.

But if you passionately practiced KAIZEN, you’ll have built your competency level. Your track record will help sell you and let you make your own good luck!

Thanks for reading!